Suicide is a deeply challenging and sensitive issue, and knowing how to support someone who might be suicidal can be daunting. However, your concern and willingness to help can make a significant difference. This guide will provide you with practical steps to approach and support someone you think is suicidal, ensuring that you can offer the best assistance possible while also taking care of yourself.
Preparing Yourself & Making the Approach
If you are worried that someone may be at risk of suicide, it is crucial to approach them and discuss your concerns. Preparing yourself for this conversation is essential. Here are some guidelines to help you prepare and make the approach effectively:
- Be Aware of Your Attitudes: Understand your own attitudes about suicide and how they might affect your ability to help. Personal beliefs, such as viewing suicide as morally wrong or as a rational option, can influence your approach. It’s essential to set these beliefs aside to offer unbiased support.
- Genuine Intent to Help: A genuine desire to help is more important than sharing the same age, gender, or cultural background as the person in crisis. Your empathy and willingness to listen are what truly matter.
- Seek Help from Others: If you feel unable to ask the person about suicidal thoughts, find someone else who can. It’s crucial not to let your discomfort prevent the person from receiving the help they need.
- Act Quickly: If you suspect someone is considering suicide, act promptly. Even a mild suspicion warrants a conversation. Let the person know why you are concerned by describing specific behaviours that have alarmed you.
- Offer Alternatives: Understand that the person may not want to talk with you. In this case, offer to help them find someone else to talk to. If you are unable to connect with the person, assist them in finding another source of support.
Asking About Thoughts of Suicide
If you think someone might be having suicidal thoughts, it’s essential to address the issue directly. Here’s how you can approach this sensitive topic:
- Ask Direct Questions: Ask the person directly if they are having thoughts of suicide. You can use questions like:
- “Are you having thoughts of suicide?”
- “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
- Dispelling Myths: People often hesitate to ask about suicide because they fear putting the idea into the person’s head. This is a myth. Asking about suicidal thoughts does not increase the risk; rather, it provides an opportunity for the person to share their feelings and shows that someone cares.
- Stay Calm: Although it is natural to feel panic or shock when someone discloses suicidal thoughts, it’s important to remain calm, confident, and empathetic. Your composed demeanour can be reassuring for the person in crisis.
- Genuine Care: It’s more important to be genuinely caring than to say all the right things. Show your support and understanding, and listen with undivided attention. Suicidal thoughts are often a desperate plea for help and a way to escape from distressing feelings.
- Encourage Expression: Ask the person what they are thinking and feeling. Reassure them that you want to hear whatever they have to say. Allow them to talk about their reasons for wanting to die and acknowledge these feelings. Let the person know it is okay to talk about painful things, even if it is difficult.
- Validate Feelings: Allow the person to express their feelings, whether it be through crying, expressing anger, or screaming. They may feel relief at being able to do so. Thank them for sharing their feelings with you and acknowledge the courage it takes to do so.
Listening Tips
When listening to someone who is suicidal, the way you listen is just as important as what you say. Here are some tips to help you listen effectively:
- Be Patient and Calm: Be patient and calm while the person is talking about their feelings. Avoid rushing them or interrupting.
- Non-judgemental Listening: Listen without expressing judgement. Accept what they are saying without agreeing or disagreeing with their behaviour or point of view.
- Open-ended Questions: Ask open-ended questions to encourage the person to share more about their suicidal thoughts, feelings, and the problems behind these. Open-ended questions cannot be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
- Reflective Listening: Show that you are listening by summarising what the person is saying. This helps ensure you understand their feelings correctly.
- Clarifying Points: Clarify important points to make sure you fully understand what the person is communicating.
- Expressing Empathy: Show empathy for the person’s situation and feelings. Empathy can help build trust and make the person feel understood and supported.
How Can I Keep the Person Safe?
Once you have established that there is a suicide risk, you need to take action to keep the person safe. Here are some steps you can take:
- Never Leave Them Alone: A person who is suicidal should not be left alone. If you suspect an immediate risk, act quickly, even if you are unsure. Work collaboratively with the person to ensure their safety.
- Remind Them of Alternatives: Remind the person that suicidal thoughts do not need to be acted upon. Reassure them that there are solutions to problems or ways to cope other than suicide.
- Focus on Safety: When talking to the person, focus on the things that will keep them safe for now, rather than the things that put them at risk. Develop a safety plan together that includes trusted adults they can talk to, coping strategies, and steps to stay safe in times of crisis. Engage the person in decisions about the safety plan as much as possible.
- Identify Past Supports: Find out who or what has supported the person in the past and whether these supports are still available. Ask them how they would like to be supported and if there is anything you can do to help.
- Recognise Your Limits: While you can offer support, remember that you are not responsible for the actions or behaviours of someone else. You cannot control what they might decide to do.
What About Professional Help?
Encourage the person to seek appropriate professional help as soon as possible. Here are some ways you can assist in this process:
- Provide Information: Find out about resources and services available for a person considering suicide, including local hospitals, mental health clinics, suicide prevention helplines, and local emergency services. Provide this information to the person and discuss help-seeking options with them.
- Encourage Helpline Contact: If the person is reluctant to talk to someone face-to-face, encourage them to contact a suicide helpline. These services can provide immediate support and guidance.
- Persistence in Encouragement: Do not assume the person will get better without help or that they will seek help on their own. People who are feeling suicidal often do not ask for help due to reasons such as stigma, shame, and a belief that their situation is hopeless. Keep encouraging them to see a mental health professional.
- Seek Guidance: If the person refuses professional help, call a mental health centre or crisis telephone line for advice on the situation. They can provide guidance on how to proceed.
- Involve Trusted Adults: If the person is an adolescent, a more directive approach may be needed. Ensure that someone close to them, like a family member or close friend, is aware of the situation. If the adolescent refuses professional help, seek assistance from a mental health professional.
- Emergency Action: For people at more urgent risk, additional action may be needed to facilitate professional help-seeking. If you believe the person will not stay safe, seek their permission to contact their regular doctor or mental health professional about your concerns. If they have a specific plan for suicide or the means to carry it out, call a mental health centre or crisis telephone line immediately.
- Handling Anger and Betrayal: Be prepared for the possibility that the person may express anger and feel betrayed by your attempts to get them professional help. Try not to take personally any hurtful actions or words they might say.
What If the Person Wants Me to Promise Not to Tell Anyone Else?
You must never agree to keep a plan for suicide or the risk of suicide a secret. If the person does not want you to tell anyone about their suicidal thoughts, explain why you cannot agree to keep this secret. For example, you might say, “I care about you too much to keep a secret like this. You need help, and I am here to help you get it.” Treat the person with respect and involve them in decisions about who else knows about the suicidal crisis.
If the person refuses to give permission to disclose their suicidal thoughts, you may need to breach their confidentiality to ensure their safety. Be honest and tell them who you will be notifying. It is much better to have the person angry at you for sharing their suicidal thoughts without their permission than to lose them to suicide.
Take Care of Yourself
After helping someone who is suicidal, it is essential to take appropriate care of yourself. Providing support and assistance to a person in crisis is exhausting and emotionally draining. Here are some self-care tips:
- Debriefing: Talk to someone you trust about your experience. Sharing your feelings and thoughts can help you process the emotional impact of the situation.
- Relaxation Techniques: Engage in activities that help you relax and unwind, such as deep breathing, meditation, or spending time in nature.
- Physical Care: Ensure you are taking care of your physical health by getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in regular physical activity.
- Seek Professional Support: If you find yourself struggling with the emotional toll of helping someone in crisis, consider seeking support from a mental health professional.
Remember, taking care of yourself is crucial to continue being a support system for others. Your well-being matters too.